WIshing for Rose colored glasses.

Just so tired. Clarity, it's deceiving and I'm guess I'm just a little girl inside, just a little girl. Always will be I suppose. I have clarity and understanding at times....perhaps I rely on them too heavily to validate me. I don't really think there are any paths or lines to my thoughts or feeling anymore. Perhaps They are just too much, to much to hold onto and I just need to let them go. It's easier that way right? I mean a back pack can only hold so much....either stuff falls out leaving a trail or it weighs the bearer down to the point of no progression and the bearer can go no where until it has been emptied.
I know God doesn't want to see me distressed or confused, hurting or lost. Perhaps my moments of clarity are crutches I hold onto....I hold tigher to them then I do to God, to His word, and His guidance...I am provided with understanding and PRESTO! I have been fufilled. Why everything makes sense all of a sudden...with everything begins to make sense I accidently start taking God as a supplement to my day....Oh dear.......
I just want it all to all to be okay...I want to fulfill a place and need and do it just right. Right now I have zero understanding or affirmation. I officially am confused. A place I hate seeing and I hate being. I want to close my eyes and see..........."MY MOUNTAIN." Covered in snow and all of it glorious splendor.
I wish the parts the make me stubborn, prideful and arrogant could be crushed without any struggle.....
I wish I could just let go and see through God's eyes and just learn to accept.
There you have it, the coming to the end of year, yours truly the EMO Karrah.