God is so good. Sometimes I just can't see that, sometimes out of mere distraction I can't feel it...maybe because I'm not fervently seeking it
I'm so done. I want to be done...done with distraction done pride done with anything not lifting up the name and glory of one most worthy of my thoughts, my prayers, and my time....
But he is deserving of so much more. Why would he even want to be worshiped by someone such as myself. Why am I so unfaithful in my actions and my time.....
Crazy even still of how undeserving of his love I am that he will love me ever more more than I will ever be able to love him even despite my constant mistakes
I want to understand him, so I can love him more. How can you love someone we don't know? I want the fullness of God to drive my actions and send me to my knees in prayer because I'm still inflated with a bunch of hot air.....
Monday, December 8, 2008
Monday, November 24, 2008
Perhaps a Mary vs. Martha ideal
Frustration- Angst!
Am I to wait on the Lord to use me as a vessel, sit wait and pray that he drops opportunities into my lap as I am trusting an committing my day to him? Or because as a Christian being spirit filled I should plans these actions of intent out myself--live dangerously and risk more than I normally would by seeking opportunities to serve Christ, talk about him to other that have not heard....should I live minimally and donate all the rest for the furtherance of Gods eternal kingdom or not worry about what God has given me as long as I don't live extravagantly and give just what is deemed "efficient" towards church and missions.
How does one live intentionally and test their strength without taking the matters of God's plan into THEIR own hands and relying mostly on themselves to find the opportunities....
Should we wait for God's kick in the pants to do something or carry out the actions because it is what is commanded of us? Even it at times it is forced? But who said we would always "feel" like we wanted to be good.....
I don't want to live a feeling based faith unless I know it is from the Lord, so how does one distinguish between the OUR voice and HIS voice....
Second, suppose ones lives intentionally, very intentionally utilizing every moment THEY see for Christ...however it is what they see....even thought they actions may be biblical and backed it may not be God's intent however we (I) want to see movement am I acting hastily because I would rather not develop the patience and trust that God will someday, some hour, some minute provide me with the opportune moment to share his word and in his service....
Is it out of pride that perhaps we that want MOVEMENT don't surrender to patience and waiting on him that we believe we should be sacrificing and risking all....but if the sole purpose in our existence is to glorify him shouldn't the times that we sit quietly and wait upon his words be the sweetest action lifted towards his eyes--even when we are not seeing this exciting movement and feeling as thought we are doing "nothing" is what we are able to do in that moment the greatest as all even if it bear no visible fruit for the kingdom of God this is what he longs for the most an intimate trusting surrendering people whose ears are bent to him. At times it may not look like the most glorifying task, and may seem at times the most trivial but by far it needs to be the most desired and important. First God and then his people....if he is the God of the universe set the stars and planets in motion should we not then trust him to set HIS will for us in our paths and in our hearts...does he not hold this world in his hands?
Just some thoughts...that keep me awake.
Am I to wait on the Lord to use me as a vessel, sit wait and pray that he drops opportunities into my lap as I am trusting an committing my day to him? Or because as a Christian being spirit filled I should plans these actions of intent out myself--live dangerously and risk more than I normally would by seeking opportunities to serve Christ, talk about him to other that have not heard....should I live minimally and donate all the rest for the furtherance of Gods eternal kingdom or not worry about what God has given me as long as I don't live extravagantly and give just what is deemed "efficient" towards church and missions.
How does one live intentionally and test their strength without taking the matters of God's plan into THEIR own hands and relying mostly on themselves to find the opportunities....
Should we wait for God's kick in the pants to do something or carry out the actions because it is what is commanded of us? Even it at times it is forced? But who said we would always "feel" like we wanted to be good.....
I don't want to live a feeling based faith unless I know it is from the Lord, so how does one distinguish between the OUR voice and HIS voice....
Second, suppose ones lives intentionally, very intentionally utilizing every moment THEY see for Christ...however it is what they see....even thought they actions may be biblical and backed it may not be God's intent however we (I) want to see movement am I acting hastily because I would rather not develop the patience and trust that God will someday, some hour, some minute provide me with the opportune moment to share his word and in his service....
Is it out of pride that perhaps we that want MOVEMENT don't surrender to patience and waiting on him that we believe we should be sacrificing and risking all....but if the sole purpose in our existence is to glorify him shouldn't the times that we sit quietly and wait upon his words be the sweetest action lifted towards his eyes--even when we are not seeing this exciting movement and feeling as thought we are doing "nothing" is what we are able to do in that moment the greatest as all even if it bear no visible fruit for the kingdom of God this is what he longs for the most an intimate trusting surrendering people whose ears are bent to him. At times it may not look like the most glorifying task, and may seem at times the most trivial but by far it needs to be the most desired and important. First God and then his people....if he is the God of the universe set the stars and planets in motion should we not then trust him to set HIS will for us in our paths and in our hearts...does he not hold this world in his hands?
Just some thoughts...that keep me awake.
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